My Best Friend(s): Introduction

Interesting concept. Best Friend. Best. Friend. Hard to say, when you're pinned down. Depends on what you mean. Depends on what answer is what you're really looking for... Who is your best friend? Well, there are a few really good answers. When I contemplate that, I really realize how very blessed I am.

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My best girl friend is TheFullTimeWife. (Even if she does persist in posting recipes that tempt me and I can't have while I'm trying to lose weight...) She and I have known each other since college, and boy, could I tell you stories.

My best family friends are my parents, followed closely by my Aunt Polly.  I have in no way done anything to merit the friendships of the people who have seen me at my worst, yet they treat me like an equal, a friend, an intimate, not as a daughter, or worse-- a somehow less-worthy, wet-behind-the-ears youngster. How blessed am I??

My best earthly friend is probably my husband, which a lot of people can't say. I'm honored and humbled to be blessed with a husband who is a man of God.

My best friend? Well, at the risk of giving the Sunday School answer, I want to say Jesus. (Random side note: there was this little boy in my Sunday School class at church when I was in Kindergarten-- whom I won't name because we ended up in college together and there's the off-chance someone would read this, know him, and then tease him about it-- whose answer to EVERY question was "MARY MAGDALENE!" Well, at least for the period of time we were in that Kindergarten Sunday School class... I'm sure it wasn't ALWAYS that.)

Ok, so I know it's goofy to say that. "Jesus is my very best friend!" and a little creepy, maybe, especially to those who don't have a relationship with Him. But the thing is, most of the time, He's the first person I talk to about everything. Most of the time, He's consulted on every decision, from the minor to the major, the life-changing, to the mind-numbing. I talk to Him ALL the time about my husband, who I want to be as a wife, my other friends, my family members, the people whose lives I touch, however briefly in whatever way... I'm learning to follow in His footsteps. I want to be just like Him when I grow up. I want to make decisions that honor Him and please Him. I want to be the one who is always hanging around Him, the one He couldn't get rid of if He wanted to (though we all know He totally could, if He REALLY wanted to)..

That being said, I do want to say a few things about some of the people I love, and this post is going to serve as the introduction to those posts. I've been meaning to get to this since the wedding, but I haven't done it. That's partially due to the fact that my best Friend has been working on me in a lot of ways, teaching me how to be a wife, uninstalling some malware programs that had been acting on my heart, etc..

I got to thinking about (yes, I know that's not grammatically correct) this series of posts again this past weekend. A dear friend of mine came and stayed with us, and my husband's best buddy and his wife came through town, too. The nature of friendship came up in conversation. I'm an introvert. I'm also a gypsy. Well, maybe not per se, but have moved at least every three years for nearly my whole life, occasionally, more often.

Here's the truth. I'm really not good at pursuing friendships. I prefer solitude and studying to parties and socializing. I could be completely happy with watching the sermon online every week and never going near all those people. Not to say that I'm afraid of or dislike people. I really don't mind them. I'd just rather not have to be stuck in a group of them, especially a large group of them. Even if the large group is composed ENTIRELY of people I love. I don't have trouble communicating with them; I'd just rather not, most of the time. It makes me tired to be around people. (Turns out there are some valid, scientific reasons for this. Articles I like about introversion include this one.) I'm more energized when I'm alone, especially if I'm studying or doing something productive. My husband has learned that if he wants to get together with someone we love, he has to initiate it, because somehow it will slip my mind, fall through the cracks, and otherwise not happen, if it's left to me. Even if it's someone who is closer to me. Sad, eh?

That being said, there are relationships I want to honor, because they are important to me. And, because I'm not so good at remembering to say that directly to the persons-of-interest themselves, I've been trying to be better about dropping a note in the mail, sending a text message, etc. This is one of my acts of penance attempts to let them know how much they mean to me. I am not posting these in any particular order. That would be too hard to determine.

Much love,
LL~

To Blog, or Not To Blog

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a blogger. Most of the time, most people would say, “Probably not.” I don’t post regularly. I don’t even post semi-regularly. I want to. I think about it often. So often it’s a matter of “is that too personal?” or “I’d have to write a book’s worth of info to get the whole backstory, just to make that point…” and then it doesn’t happen. I even have a reminder that tells me weekly to “Write a blog post.” I figure weekly is much better than I tend to do. Each week, I shuffle the reminder back, and then it’s the next week. Meanwhile, the “ought to” feeling builds up, and I still don’t post. This is me, trying to rectify my own self-produced angst over not writing weekly (at least). Sometimes, when I do post something, then I think of something else, but feel silly if I post more than once per day. Oh, I’ll just wait on that for now. And, it never goes up. Sigh.

So WHY in the world did I start a second blog, if I never post on the first one?? Harrumph. Silliness.

Here’s the deal:

• I’m going to write stuff, and put it on here. That may mean I post multiple times one day, and then nothing for awhile. I’m GOING to be okay with that. Mmmmkay? 
• I’m going to attempt to write what’s on my heart and mind, with or without the book-of-a-backstory, and if it doesn’t make sense outside of my own skull, I’m GOING to be okay with that. Alrighty? 
• Sometimes I’ll post on my “personal” blog, and sometimes I’ll post on my “theme” blog, and these posts may or may not make complete sense with or without the context of the other location, and I’m GOING to be fine with that. With me? 

I’m just going to do it, whether or not anyone reads it, now or ever, because there are some things I need to articulate, for me. Being the introvert that I am, getting the extroverts in my life to sit down and shut up (haha) long enough for me to explain my theses on life is just not an option, and if I don’t have any outlet for the things I’m learning, I’m going to get frustrated. Frustration is not going to make me the person I want to be. So there.  There you have it. Here we go.

Much love,

LL~

Things I wake up mad about:

ANY ELECTRONIC NOISEMAKER THAT GOES OFF BEFORE I HAVE TO GET UP. This morning, it was my husband's blackberry, my office phone, a text on my phone, blackberry (again), phone (again), then my husbands air-raid-siren-of-an-alarm (which is still being snoozed every 10 minutes).

Magical point 1: There is no emergency going on that would cause any of this to be necessary. Magical point 2: it's his day off, so he can sleep in if he wants..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... And after how this week has been going, this is just the ice cream (which I'm not allowed to have, right now) on the cupcake (which I am also not allowed to have), as it were.

A Time for Mourning

Life is fragile. I think we all know that, somewhere under the surface. I think that if you asked the random person on the street, they would agree, to some degree or another, that the statement "Life is fragile" is true. Sometimes, it just becomes blindingly clear.

In recent days, I've become more and more aware of this somewhat basic thought. Life is, indeed, fragile. Some recent losses: my friend's 30-year-old son, my sister-in-law's 30-year-old friend, my best friend's unborn child, and just last night, my aunt. Some recent fragile circumstances: a friend who is starting dialysis for kidney failure at the age of 29, a co-worker who fell and broke both her elbows, my boss's dad's heart disease, my own dad's pulmonary emboli, my husband's neck pain, and on and on and on. Life is indeed fragile, all around me.

My life is fragile. Just a change in my step can break my ankle. Just a change in eating habits can change my health, for better or for worse. Just a change in my personal hygiene can create health or death. It's very fragile. There's something beautiful there, though. Something beautiful in the fragility, and even the brokenness.

Can you imagine that the God of the universe entrusted us with something so precious and so fragile? Can you imagine that His heart is all tied up in our lives, to the point that He would join into this fragile humanity and do it with us, even through a brutal death? How beautiful it is, that we can share that with the Author of it all!

Perhaps the fragility is there so that we aren't blinded to eternity. If it wasn't so temporary, perhaps we would forget that there's more than just this life.

Just a thought. Hug your loved ones. Make sure they know you care. Pray for others.

Much love.
LL~

Saying Thank You

All of the Thank You notes for our September wedding are now done. Shame on me for taking so long to get them out. Yes, I know that there's approximately a two-month grace period for newlyweds. Yes, I know, I exceeded that. Shame on me.

I've discovered that writing wedding thank you notes is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Not that the WRITING of the thank you notes was all that hard, in and of itself, but that saying "Thank you" to such people was incredibly difficult.

How do you thank the people who have made you who you are? How do you say "thank you" for a gift, knowing that what you're really thanking them for is their very presence in your life?

Here are some examples.

My parents: How do you thank them for a whole wedding (which, oh yeah, my dad officiated, as well as giving me away, organizing, and paying), plus all that they instilled in me to make me the person who was ready to get married?

My godparents: How do you thank them for coming halfway across the country, helping with all of the decorating and tearing down, helping to officiate (as my dad was giving me away), and a sizeable wedding gift?

My Matron of Honor: How do I thank her for being a thousand miles (plus plus) away from her husband for TEN days to help me get ready, a massive bash (requiring an extra plus-sized suitcase which she had to check both directions for flights) of a bachelorette party, a thousand gifts and thoughtful gestures, the hundreds of pictures she took, oh, yeah, and the fact that she knows me so well and still likes me?

And those are just a few of the incredible people in my life.

While I know that one little note is incapable of expressing that of which my heart is so full, I tried. Probably pathetically. But, I tried. I handwrote notes to people who deserve so much more, and then regretted that those who had given so much would get so little in return. I belong to the school of thought that would say that saying thank you is the important part, and that saying it in my own handwriting, in as thoughtful a manner as I could is the goal (which I did); it all still feels inadequate somehow.

I suppose that, when it's all said and done, I need to make sure that I live my life in such a way that those who have poured into it will be honored. Still working on that. Will be for a very long time, I believe.

Much love.
LL~

Why Do I Want a Clean Home?

I have recently downloaded and begun working through a book called "31 Days to Clean: Having a Martha House the Mary Way" by Sarah Mae. I'm not a "dirty" person, but I'm not a neat freak, and trying to keep things neat and straight when my best efforts are thwarted by me is intensely frustrating for this Maximizer. As I start married life, there are things I want to do from the beginning, so I don't have to backtrack later (for instance, when I'm having kids, or company arrives, or whatever) to try to incorporate good habits that are much easier to just do all the time. One of those things is getting the house organized and put away, NOW.

For those who don't know, my handsome husband and I are remodeling his/our house. All my stuff has come to live here, with me (since September 10th) and in varying degrees since I moved to Greenville in March. The crowning moment was when we got married and I moved completely out of the apartment. We had a commitment not to sleep together or live together until marriage, but moving my THINGS over the course of 6 months was MUCH easier than trying to fit a move in between the wedding and honeymoon. Well, we're up to our ears in stuff, mine, his, ours, wedding, presents, honeymoon, and to top it all off, the remodeling isn't done. So we're preparing to start redoing the master bedroom and bath, while the whole house is in upheaval. Smart, eh?

Anyway, it is the dream in my heart to have a home that is welcoming, and piles of stuff are NOT welcoming. I want to be able to have the widow down the street over for coffee, our community group in for the weekly meeting, or a party, or simply have our friend's daughter come bake with me. I don't feel like I can do those things right now.

So, I got this book, and I'm beginning to read. Now. Before my heart breaks with the mess. The first day's reading asks, "Why clean?" and I thought that it would be wise to put my answer in writing, so I'd remember. So I'd have a place to go where I can be reminded, when it's tough and there's construction dust everywhere and my clothes STILL don't have a home, and our bed is in the living room.

So. Why do I want a clean home?

I want a clean home so that when my husband comes home from work, he wants to be here. I want a clean home so that when we or others enter this place we see Jesus and not a mess. I want a clean home so that I can create an environment like the one in which I was raised-- one that is welcoming and comfortable and safe. I want a clean home so that I can be at rest and be inviting to others who may need rest and blessing. I want a clean home so that I don't feel frantic inside. I want to be able to engage myself with my husband, our family and friends, whenever needed, and not feel torn between what I "have" to do and what I ought to do. I want a clean home so that I can more adequately be as I am created to be-- an Image Bearer of the God of the universe.

I think that about sums it up.

Much love.

LL~

Humbled

Over the last month, I have been humbled, time and time again, by the amazing people in my life. I'm hoping to get some posts up here in coming days about the events of the wedding and honeymoon, post pictures, etc. Some of what I want to show is how incredible my friends and family are. Truly my friends ARE family, as much as (and in many cases) more than some of the blood relatives. That was showcased beautifully in the times I shared with these loved ones in this last month.

The scads of thank you notes I'm penning aside, how do you begin to thank the people who have built you? I'm so honored and humbled to be part of this family, extended with people we've chosen and have chosen us, and hope to some day be the kind of person who is worthy of such grace.

Much love.
LL~