Modesty Begins in the Heart: Part 2

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See Part 1 here.

I have been brought to, God only knows how, blogs written by a couple of lovely ladies who have, in gentle loving-kindness given me much to consider. I say "God only knows" because I wasn't searching for these blogs, but just came across them while web-surfing. I couldn't tell you how I found them, only that God brought me to them because He wanted me to hear His heart in a way that each of them are excellent at communicating.

The two blogs in particular are The Modest Mom (Caroline) and Large Families on Purpose (Erika), though there are also others that have helped me think through these things. Both Caroline and Erika are homeschooling moms with multiple children. I can tell you from reading their blogs that they each love the Lord, and their hearts are all about their families, and the women that they can love and serve through their writing.

The thing that struck me about these two beautiful women was that, while they have strong, unwavering, unshakable beliefs, they are so loving and kind that they present their beliefs in ways that make you want to hug them and know them better, not in such a way that you want to punch them in their respective noses. That is, in my experience with "church people" over the years, a unique grace, and one that I hope someday will be true of me. These women are living examples of that old saying about tact. You know the one. Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.

I know, as I read their blogs, that no one will ever convince Erika or Caroline to change their minds on something that God has taught them. I also know that, when either of them is confronted by people who have convictions opinions that are contradictory to what God teaches in His word and through His spirit, that she will love that person well, and instruct her in righteousness with grace. I know this, because I've read it. You can hear their hearts in their words. Modesty's not just a rule they live by, it's an outpouring of their love for God and their desire to live as God's woman, regardless of what others may or may not think.

The reason I'm talking about that here is that it is foundational to what modesty is all about. As C.J. Mahaney discusses it, modesty is about three things: the attitude, the appearance, and the allegiance of the modest woman. A woman who is truly modest, is modest in her heart first, due to the transforming effect of the gospel. This affects her appearance, and it conveys her allegiance. What Caroline and Erika write on their blogs is evidence of this transforming effect. Their hearts, their attitudes, and their allegiance are all evident, and the love they share is poured out visibly in their modesty of dress and appearance.

Caroline from The Modest Mom and Amy from Raising Arrows did a series called She Wears Skirts that bounced back and forth between their blogs. The series talks about why they wear skirts, and not pants. It talks about the convictions that God had given them regarding the modesty of their appearance, and it goes into much more detail than I will here, about why they believe it's more modest and less distracting, more feminine and less lust-provoking to wear skirts.

The bottom line of these ladies' personal dress codes? They are motivated by love. They want to love their Christian brothers well, by not distracting them from what God has for them to do, and by not inspiring in them anything that would cause them to fight a battle with sin and lust.

As I began to say in the first part of this series, I have been realizing that my personal clothing choices are evidence of the state of my heart, and that has become a matter of great concern to me. I'll tell you this, it's hard to look attractive, and be modestly dressed, when you're busty. Even if the rest of me is appropriately attired, sheer volume in the chest area can be an issue. It's difficult to find shirts or dresses that fit properly in the chest and don't look like a sack of potatoes on the rest of me. I'm growing resigned to the fact that I fare better wearing skirts and blouses/shirts than dresses, in most cases, and many times more than one layer on top.

It's tough, for someone who is as warm-natured as I am, to wear multiple layers in the summer without overheating. I've learned that certain fabrics are more comfortable than others, and that tighter layers are often less breathable. Nobody wants to sweat all the time. Want to know something funny? I've found that wearing sleeveless or strappy shirts doesn't create as much of a wicking effect as wearing a couple of layers. I actually sweat less, and look (and feel) fresher if I'm wearing a shirt with sleeves, and more so with a cami or tank under it. All that moisture gets absorbed and dissipates faster. I don't know how it works, but it does.

My personal opinion on this is that when I make modesty a deciding factor in what I choose to wear, God honors that, and He takes care of my comfort, too. He knows when I'm doing right, when my heart is right, and He honors it. If it wasn't important, it wouldn't be addressed in the Bible. If it's important to God, then it should be important to me. If I seek always to please my heavenly Father, then why not do something He's already said is pleasing to Him?

Let's look at a little bit of Mahaney's sermon, taken from 1Timothy, chapter 2:

The 'women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel.' That would be her appearance. And her attitude is emphasized... 'with modesty and self-control.' All respectable apparel is the fruit of a godly heart. Ladies, your wardrobe is a public statement of your personal and private motivation. And if you profess godliness, your motivation is to be distinct from our culture... It is to be motivated by modesty and self-control... 

A modest heart always precedes modest dress. Modesty is humility expressed in dress, a desire to serve others, particularly men, and not promote or provoke sensuality or lust. Modesty, self-control... Moderation for the purpose of purity...

John MacArthur has written, 'How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or is it to call attention to herself and flaunt her beauty, or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance.'

Whose attention do you desire, and whose approval do you crave?...

Is your wardrobe modest, evidencing self-control and respectable apparel? Every outfit, no exceptions?

...what is to be noticeable about a woman professing godliness is not her wardrobe, but her good works. There is to be this observable lifestyle of serving others. That is the appropriate... godly adornment for women who profess to be Christians. That is, in effect, the transforming effect of the gospel...

What is most eye catching about you-- your clothing, or your character?

See, Paul isn't simply advocating modesty in dress. He is insisting that more time be devoted, more energy be devoted to spiritual adornment in the form of good works. And he is warning about excessive attention devoted to appearance to the neglect of good works. 

Please, please do not misinterpret. Do not misunderstand. Do not misapply this message. Paul is not a conservative... This isn't some general appeal for morality. This, modesty, it is about the gospel... That is the transforming effect of the gospel. Modest hearts, respectable apparel, good works. The woman who loves the Savior avoids immodesty because she doesn't want at any time to distract from or reflect poorly upon the gospel.

That is the godly woman's concern-- that her attitude and her appearance reveal her allegiance to this Savior who was her substitute and provided her the ransom from her sin. And so, there is to be no contradiction between her profession of godliness and her practice of godliness. 

~Excerpted from "The Soul of Modesty"

C.J. Mahaney

29 January 2008 

Moderation for the purpose of purity. The fruit of a godly heart. A public statement of my personal and private motivation. Humility expressed in dress. There is to be no contradiction between my profession of godliness and my practice of godliness.

I can tell you, when I've ever thought about modesty, before now-- in all those high school conversations, in all the teaching I've heard-- it's always been about rules. It's always been about meeting some standard, measured in inches. Inches of length on skirts or shorts. Inches from the collarbone on the necklines of blouses, and heaven forfend you should even consider a halter top. Those are OUT. (Funny how some halter tops are more modest than some blouses with sleeves or tank-tops with the required one-inch width straps.)

1 Timothy 1:9 says that "the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate." In all those debates about the letter of the law versus the spirit of the law, we somehow missed this point. Modesty of dress is outward evidence of the state of our hearts. Immodesty is an expression of arrogance. Modesty is an expression of humility and love. It's not about the rules defining modesty as certain length or width. It's about being humble and loving, as Jesus is.

As I continue to pursue holiness, as the Holy Spirit brings to mind things that He wants me to address, I pray for humility. Pride has always been an issue for me. I believe it's the most ubiquitous and insidious of sins for all of us. It's what Lucifer embraced and got him kicked out of God's presence, and it was there in the garden of Eden. It's the seed of nearly every kind of sin I can imagine. As God continues to work in me to purge me of this, I have to keep addressing different areas. Now, modesty is the main one that God's working on in me.

I put a yellow sticky note in my closet where I can see it each time I dress. It says, "Immodesty is an expression of arrogance." I pray, when I see it, or when I think of it, that God would kill the root of pride in my heart. That He would overcome my arrogance and give me humility. I try to dress in ways that reflect the character that God is developing in me. I don't always succeed completely, but I'm learning as I go. God is faithful to teach me, each day. He is producing holiness, His holiness, in me. I pray that He would make me pure so that I can bring glory to His name.

Much love,
LL~

"This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our savior who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth... that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works."  ~1Timothy 2:3-4, 9-10 (NKJV)~

Modesty Begins in the Heart: Part 1

(Created here)

I just finished taking 5 pages of notes on the sermon "The Soul of Modesty" by Pastor C.J. Mahaney (sermon audio and transcript available at the link), which is excerpted in the video I embedded in this post. (Video found, courtesy of The Modest Mom.) I hadn't realized that the link to the entire sermon was in the description on the video's youtube page. I'm SO glad I found it and was able to hear the entire sermon.

I grew up in a Christian home. My parents sent my brother and I to Christian schools. We were at church every time the door opened. We learned to volunteer, to serve, to have manners, and to live differently than those around us. 

I developed early, probably linked to my Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I was wearing a bra (not a training bra, mind you, the real thing) by third grade. I remember wearing a sun dress to my brother's baseball game one evening, right after getting bras. My mom looked at me, at the field, and said, "How come you're not wearing your new bra?" My response was, "I could see it through my dress." The dress was pretty, and girly, soft sunshine yellow and the front of it had white eyelet lace on it. She replied that if I could see my bra through the dress, then it was also possible to see my body through my dress. I think that was the first time that modesty, in an adult body sense ever dawned on my brain. 

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At some point around the time of junior high, I suppose, I became aware more fully of the issue. My parents were always careful with my appearance. They made sure what I wore was modest, and I vaguely recall that being something discussed with clothing choices. 

In High School, I remember conversations about legalism in relation to modesty. Whole class periods were sometimes devoted to "discussions"  about the spirit of the law versus the letter of the law, legalism, what an appropriate standard should take into consideration, exceptions to the rules, etc. Sometimes I wonder what the teachers were thinking, letting this stuff rage on and never addressing the heart of the issue.

Our school had a policy that skirts (which were worn every day) must touch the floor when you kneel. Another school had a policy of 3" longer than fingertip length (which I thought was really odd, because especially during puberty when bodies are changing, arm-length doesn't always change at the same speed as height & leg-length...). Kneeling-length made sense to me. The rule even applied to our cheerleading skirts (which were actually skorts), and some people tried to play the "That's dangerous! They'll get tangled up when they do stunts!" card. (Which is ludicrous, I might add. We were never endangered by the length of our uniforms. Besides, if a stunt couldn't be done safely, we wouldn't have been permitted to do it.)

Having slogged our way through these murky waters, and having conformed to the touches-the-floor-while-kneeling standard, I (and probably most of the girls from my school) thought I had a pretty basic understanding of modesty. Got it. I'm good. I know it when I see it. No, really. That is, until God started bringing it to my attention, just this year.

I'm thirty-two years old. I'm a very visually-stimulated person. I have to be very cautious with shows that I watch, pictures I see, books I read, because I get mental images in my mind that I can't get rid of. 

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That creepy scene from that movie? Yeah, it may not give me a nightmare tonight, but 6 years from now, I might have one. It stays in there. I've learned that if the preview is creepy or seems dark or twisted, it's better that I don't see it at all. I've learned that it's safer for me to avert my eyes when I see a guy jogging down the street shirtless, because I don't ever want to compare my husband to him, or have that image of him pop up at a time when my focus should be on something else. I've learned that my mind will construct images to go with things I read, so I need to restrict my reading habits to things that are going to give me good mental images, not sinful ones.

In this way, my brain is wired much more like a man's than like most women's. Part of that is probably due to the over-production of testosterone and androgen in a woman with polycystic ovaries, but whatever the cause, the end result is the same. It makes me more aware of what men deal with on a daily basis. So I've become very protective of my mind and my imagination over the last few years. 

Yet, I still thought I didn't have any misunderstandings about modesty, even while wearing clothing that showcased my cleavage, my hourglass shape, or was simply too tight. God has been systematically revealing to me, over recent months, that the things I know I have to guard my mind from and avoid are the same things that I have exposed my brothers in Christ to, and that they must guard their minds, eyes, and hearts from me. Whoa. 

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Much love,

LL~

Sewing with Lovey

So, my darling husband decided to go fishing with his friend yesterday afternoon, and I got to stay home and watch some Chuck Season 5 episodes and The Vow(which wasn't as good as I wanted it to be) and sew to my heart's content. Yay.

I had him drag my tub of fabric out so that I could see what I have to work with. I've had vague thoughts in the back of my head about what I have stashed away, and it was nice to see what's really there. Unfortunately, my living room is even more of a disaster area than it already had become during the last few sewing projects.

This is currently the top of my coffee table.

There were a few surprises in that tub. Most of the selections I remembered, or at least could place when I purchased them. Several of the options (heavy-weight, solid-colored twill) were purchased by someone else and given to me, but they're going to come in handy. There were a few whimsical patterns in colors I like, some of which I'd completely forgotten. There were a couple "what was I thinking?" moments, too. I don't do bland colors, for the most part. There was only one "khaki" twill (given to me, not purchased by me), and it won't be seen here.

One of the fabric selections I'd forgotten I had really struck my fancy. I remembered buying it at the Vero Beach Wal-mart, right before they pulled the entire fabric section out of the store. (Grrrrrr...) I don't remember what I had originally intended to do with it, though. I had purchased 4 yards of this, so it must've been for a tablecloth or something decorative. Since Independence Day is rapidly approaching, and since we're going to be hosting a BBQ get together the following weekend, I thought it would be fun to make use of this fabric.

I pulled up my "Sewing Projects" board on Pinterest, and began looking through the projects I'd thought I'd like to try. I kept seeing full, gathered and pleated skirts, and thought that would be a fun look for the BBQ.

Source via Pinterest

Source via Pinterest

Can't you just see me in June Cleaver mode, welcoming all of the festivity-goers to our lovely home? We're doing the same thing we did last year, which will involve tables groaning with food, 3 grills going, our 30' x 10' white tent, games being played on our brand spankin new regulation-sized horseshoe pits, bocce ball, and frisbee. Last year, we had right around 30 people, and it was a perfect day. The weather cooperated beautifully, and everyone ate until they popped.

We can't wait to do it again!

I fully intended to pull up one of the host of tutorials from my Pinterest finds to make this skirt, but none were quite what I wanted, so I just made it up as I went. Come to think of it, I should have documented this for posterity. Either that, or just so I could figure out what the stink I did to wind up with what I have as a finished project. My intent was a full, gathered skirt, with a fitted-ish waistband, that I could pull over (therefore, no zipper, buttons-and-placket, etc.). Something easy, and cute. Most importantly, I wanted it a modest length so that I could get out and play without worrying about accidentally giving anyone a show.

I'm one of those people who can kind of eyeball things and have an idea about how to make them happen. (Thanks, Daddy, for helping me develop that ability.) I thought I had worked the length out properly to wind up with a tea-length skirt. Apparently, I should have done more actual measuring than just thinking on that one. What I have, is a full, gathered skirt, with a fitted-ish waistband, that is floor-length. Oops. :)

Might-be finished product, on my bridal name
hanger from this Etsy shop.

I don't mind floor-length. I'm halfway considering doing some vertical gathers at the bottom, though, to shorten it a bit and give me some bunting-esque flair. I haven't decided, yet, though. The 4 inch waistband is a bit looser than I would prefer, but it does accomplish the more-important purpose of being something I can pull on. I could've made the elastic a tad tighter, but I really wanted to avoid getting it too tight and being miserable, so I'm guessing I won on that one, too. When my weight-loss is complete, I can always take in the waist.


I have several lovely aprons that have been given to me as gifts, but I decided that this skirt had enough going on that it needed something solid white, so I grabbed some leftover eyelet lace from a curtain project in Florida, and made an apron. I just need to finish attaching the pocket to it, and it'll be finished. It's very lightweight, and I think it'll be lovely as a hostess apron. I'll try to remember to get some pictures at the BBQ.


Much love, and happy sewing!
LL~

Source, via Pinterest.

Yes, I am one of those unfortunate souls to whom this applies... though fortunately, not ALL the time. Isn't my husband thrilled that it's not perpetual??

Modest Monday linkup with The Modest Mom

Today I'm linking up for the first time with The Modest Mom for her weekly linkup called Modest Mondays. This is what I wore to church Saturday evening. This is my most favoritest skirt, now. I've been wearing it and another one similar to it so much that my husband is surprised to see me in something else, some days. Well, ya hafta do laundry SOME time. :) I got both the skirt and the blouse at the Thrift Store down the road. As you can tell, I still have about 20 lbs left to lose, but I'm getting there.

Since my darling husband was going fishing with his buddy, John, for a Father's Day retreat, we went to the Saturday evening service. I have to admit, it was odd having the whole day yesterday to do with as I please. Our community group was off for Father's Day, and we'd already been to church. So, I spent the time sewing. I was a happy Lovey, let me tell you.

I've followed The Modest Mom Blog regularly for some months. Caroline has such a sweet spirit about her, and has brought some things to the front of my mind to reexamine to which I honestly hadn't given a second thought since high school. She has a store, as well, and I just ordered something from her last week. I can't wait to see how it fits. :)





One of the things I've thought a lot about is from this video she's used, and I've seen it on several other linked blogs as well. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to the first 8:46 minutes of this. (After that it gets a little repetitive, pieces of varying volume are spliced together, so I usually just listen to the beginning. I'd say listen to the whole thing at least once, though. It's worth it.)



One of the things that he says is that immodesty is an expression of arrogance. That makes complete sense to me, but I've never thought of it in those terms. I wrote that on a sticky note and stuck it to the shelf in my closet where I could see it every time I get dressed. It's really made me think. Who is going to see me today? If the UPS guy shows up at the door, will I be appropriately dressed to answer it? Where am I going to be, and what can I do to make myself safe for the men around me? What of my body can I share with my husband today, and only with him?

So, my thoughts have been different when I prepare for the day than they ever have in my life. I'm learning, even though this is a lesson I thought I had pretty well nailed down in my life previously.

What are you wearing today? Is it modest? Take a picture and link up with Caroline from The Modest Mom blog. :)

Much love,
LL~