|This is how I feel about being free.|
Let me esplain. No. There is too much. Let me sum up. (Name that movie. :D )
Have you ever felt that you're so busy doing what you "ought" to do that you don't ever do what you should be doing? For the last decade or so, that feeling has gotten bigger, stronger, and hairier. I have been doing what I ought to do-- working a good job, and all that entails-- that I didn't feel like I was able to adequately do all that I should be doing.
One of the hallmarks of that is the fact that this blog even exists. Even though I don't spend much time writing blog posts, the fact that it is out there, that I can write, makes me feel like there is an outlet for my drive to write. I feel guilty for not posting all the things that rattle around in my head, begging for their own posts.
My job was important for my little niche in that work world, and I did it with excellence (if not always with as much kindness as I should). I worked hard. I worked a lot of hours. I did what was necessary, and without fanfare or appreciation for the most part. I had days that really were awful, but for the most part, I could look at my work and know that I had done it to the absolute best of my ability.
For the last year of my job, I worked in excess of 60 hours, every week. It was hard. I had weeks that my hours gusted into the eighties. It burned me out. I was fried and frazzled.
Nearly a year ago, I discovered, to my great relief, that my job was going away, and I was to be laid off. It was exactly what I needed, at exactly the right time. It has taken me most of the intervening time to heal up from the demands of that position, and particularly that last year. I am almost to the point that I feel human again, whole, able.
Don't get me wrong. I became very good at what I did. There were things about it that I enjoyed, and I learned new skill sets that I will always be able to call on. I consider it a valuable phase of my life, and I am blessed to have had that job. I will always have a fondness for many of the people with whom I was privileged to work, and I hope that they feel the same about me, to some degree.
But, it was a season that is over. And I'm thankful, now, to have had the experience. I'm also very thankful that it is no longer my current season of life.
Since my job ended, I burned off my several months of leave and severance, we sold our home in South Carolina, we moved to Kansas and bought a beautiful old home (see my last post) that I am starting to expand into, and I am learning to be a housewife. While that has always, always been my dream, it did not feel like it would be a possibility for me, for a long time. I'll write another post on that acclimatization process. :)
While settling into this new season of life, I am picking up various creative activities. I feel as though I am full-- nearly bursting-- with creative drive. I'm painting, crafting, sewing, designing, writing, editing, and planning in ways that I have stifled for the better part of a decade. I feel like I am finally able to do some of the things that I *should* be doing-- not just what I "ought" to do.
Welcome to the next season of this life of mine! I am loving this, so far, and I can't wait to share some of the things that are pouring out of me. :)