23 February 2007

Where have all the MEN gone?

I’ve come to the conclusion that there aren’t very many men in our society today. At some point, we stopped teaching our boys how to grow up and become men. At some point, the women decided they had to pick up the slack. At some point, the boys decided that, since the women were doing such a good job of taking care of themselves and everyone around them, it wasn’t worth the hassle of becoming a man.

I remember my brother coming home after a long day at the hospital, one day, and telling mom that a woman had gotten huffy with him because he opened a door for her. I will never forget my mother’s response to his question of why he should open a door for a woman who didn’t want him to and didn’t appreciate the gesture. She said, “You don’t open the door because she’s a lady, because she may not be, but because you are a gentleman.”

It seems as though guys are all too comfortable with their masculine role being “stolen” by feminists. It seems they’re not willing to step up and take the responsibility for their own actions, because they’re too afraid to “get in trouble” for their efforts. Guys are too willing to renege on their responsibilities and blame it on the feminist movement.

In the midst of World War II, the men were going off to war to give their lives for their country, and the women stepped up and went off to work so that the country would still be there upon the return of their men. Women answered the call to arms, the call to jobs, and the call to keep on at an unprecedented level. Unfortunately, when the men and women returned from war, many of the women decided to keep their jobs. It was easier to work a full-time job than to be a full-time wife and homemaker. So they stayed, and the jobs that the men had before going to serve their country were filled, so the men had fewer options. Some woman came up with the supposedly ingenious idea that women were being repressed by being the caregivers of the families, and the battle was on. For awhile, men fought the idea of the women encroaching on their roles, their jobs, their spaces. For awhile, the feminist movement fought the “glass ceiling” that inhibited the promotion and adequate compensation of female workers. Then the men realized that the women weren’t going to give up, that they were hard workers and capable of doing more than their fair share of the work, leaving the men fewer responsibilities, and that it was easier just to crumble.

The problem is that most of the women I know DON’T WANT the men’s roles we’re having to fill. Most of us don’t want to have to take care of the things that responsible men in a developed society should do. Most of us have figured out that, if we don’t protect ourselves from these guys that refuse to become men, no one is going to come to our aid. We have discovered that, not only are the guys we’re dating NOT going to protect us from danger, step between us and those bullies, open the doors for us, but they’re quite possibly going to put pressure on us in ways that no MAN would. Not only do we have to protect ourselves from what’s “out there”, but we also have to protect ourselves from the ones who should be our protectors.

It’s not right.

At what point did it become the woman’s job to make sure that not only did SHE do what’s right, but that the men in her sphere of influence and encounter did, too?

Have you ever wondered why women are attracted to military men and powerful corporate-executive types? It’s because they have a higher level of responsibility and accountability than the guy on the street. There is something about a man who is in control that is not just attractive, but almost mesmerizing. He, the man in the uniform, is able to meet a set standard. He has disciplined himself, mind and body, so that he can be more than just some guy. He, the CEO-VIP, has risen to that level of responsibility by maintaining disciplines in his life and not backing down. He has proven himself, time and time again, through competence and a willingness to BE the decision-maker, not just act like one. He, the MAN, attracts us, because he is a man. He is not a guy. He is not a dude. He is not a poor excuse for a momma’s boy. He has stepped up and taken responsibility for his life. How often do we meet men like that? Certainly not as often as we should.

It used to be that the family, and ultimately our society, could not function without responsible men. The family unit would crumble without the bread-winner. It was a shameful thing, when a man couldn’t provide for his family well enough to keep his wife at home. It was a shameful thing for a family to owe money or for a woman to have to go to work. Today, guys are all too secure in having their wives go off to work a 40-80 hour work week while they PAY a stranger to raise their children.

The fun thing is that there aren’t that many women who really WANT to have those jobs. Most women have resigned themselves to it because it’s common practice, these days, or because they HAVE to work outside their homes to provide for their families, or because there’s a dearth of MEN out there. Women are waiting longer and longer to get married, and more of us are exploring alternative ways to fulfill our desire for children, because there just aren’t that many MEN to be had. Sure, we could settle for the guys that expect us to pick up the check, the guys who expect us to defend our own honor and fight them off, tooth and nail, when they “lose control” of themselves. Sure, but what kind of life is that? What kind of existence is it to be both the man and the woman in a relationship? To be the nagging woman that he doesn’t want to come home to, because he can’t be trusted to do the basic things that comprise his role in the relationship? If we wanted to do that, we’d stay single. Oh, wait… We ARE staying single.

Men, it’s time to step up and take responsibility for yourselves. It might not be easy. Many of us (women) have become used to fending for ourselves, and sometimes it’s difficult to relinquish control of something that’s long been our responsibility, but WE WANT you to take these things off our hands. WE WANT to not have to concern ourselves with walking down the street in broad daylight, entertaining company in our own homes, etc. We want you to open our doors and treat us like ladies, EVEN WHEN WE’RE NOT ACTING LIKE IT! We want to not HAVE to take a self-defense course. We’d much rather MEN step up and be MEN and stop being little whiny wussies who can’t control themselves.

Women, it’s time to step back and allow the guys to become men. It’s time to relinquish the roles of protector, provider, decision-maker. It’s time to resume our femininity. It’s time to stop being the heavy and learn to become the lady whose very softness commands the respect, desire, and love of a man who is TRULY a man.

I guess the question is: Who do you want to be? Do you want to be all that God created you to be? Men, do you want to command the respect, devotion, and adoration of women? Ladies, do you want to be loved, admired, and treated as an equal? Who do you want to be?? Is it who you are now?


Anonymous said...

why do you feel this way? Who is it you want to be. it seems that you are contradicting yourself. On one hand you want a man to take care of you , yet on the other hand you want to be an indpentent business woman with her own company. Please explain

Richard aka Vito

Amy said...

I thought I was comfortable in my past role as breadwinner- I loved my job and the feelings of accomplishment that it gave me. Oh, how that changed when my son entered the world! Suddenly I was drastically aware that I could not "have it all" as the feminist movement would suggest... something had to give and it wasn't going to be my family. That being said... being a full-time mother/homemaker is the HARDEST job I've ever had. What is hard for me- is all the fools that ask me "what do you do..." and when I say "I'm a full-time mom"... they presume I'm taking the easy way out. If they only knew!!!!!!!!!!! I enjoyed this post... you should submit it to Guidepost or a publication like that... very thought provoking and so, SO true! Love ya... ~A

DCBrownie said...

Great post! It is very well-written and thought-provoking.

Anonymous said...

You know you are beautful


Anonymous said...

when are you going to compose your next words of wisdom for the world..by the way have I hold you you are beautul

Anonymous said...

wake up sleepy head


Anonymous said...

When Divorce became popular is when the control was lost. Men were made to be leaders. THe down fall of society, with all the drug and alchol abuse, and it being ok just to up and leave your family because your feelings have changed. There are no male role models any more for children. Girls need to be loved by there father to know how to be in a healthy realationship, and boys need to learn how to be men. The responsibility of a Dad has been shifted to the Mom. The dad works all day b/c he is the bread winner, has no interaction with his family, and then one day there all gone. We need more men to step up. Volunteer to be a big brother, help with the youth at church, take a male teen out to lunch. Parents need help. These kids will barely talk to you b/c your the parent. Over 50% of these kids that are lost have no male role model. These kids turn into degenerate adult males. No job, looking to attach themselvs to a successful women who can have and do it all. They don't have to do anything, but keep the house tidy and perform well in bed. They are now predators seeking out vulnerable women. Or they turn to crime, drugs, and alchol. All of this b/c there weren't enough male role models. Where have all the men gone? The providers, the protectors, the role models, the galant men.WHERE??????????