04 July 2009

Happy Independence Day!

Yeah, so independence is over rated. Says the single woman as she sits in front of her computer after watching yet another year's July 4th fireworks show by herself.

If you're going to read this, you must know that it is not going to be fluid, and I'm not going to re-read it forty-six times before I post it, like I usually do. Here's what I've got:

Vero Beach's fireworks show is, in my opinion, much longer and SIGNIFICANTLY better than Washington D.C.'s is. Go figure. It has the added bonus of not being as much of a nightmare to navigate, traffic-wise. Maybe I shouldn't post this online where people in DC can see it and flood VB next year...

I don't remember the last time I watched Independence Day fireworks with anyone. I've been alone too long. Last year (2008), I didn't go, because I was working my corner at Walter Reed. The year before (2007), I watched the fireworks over the National Mall, alone, from the park by the DCA runway(DC Reagan International Airport, for those of you who don't fly to the District). 2006, I watched the DC fireworks on my TV and out my balcony window and didn't leave my apartment. The year before (2005) was when I was in the middle of moving to DC, but I don't recall what I did or where I was. I don't think I watched an "official" display, though. I think I was at a party. I don't recall the ones in the three or four years before that, though I've tried. Anyhoo, every 4th display I see, I always dream of the day when it's me and my SO (boyfriend, fiance, husband) going together, and eventually the day when it's me, my husband, and our small children... Every year, it's not.

This brings me to the next point-- as awful as it sounds, and I'm not trying to be hurtful with this-- SOMETIMES spending holidays alone is better than spending them alone with people who care about you. Sometimes, it's just easier to be alone and lonely than be lonely with people who are all paired off.

Yet again, as I was walking back to my car from watching the spectacular display over Indian River, I wondered, "How many more holidays am I going to spend alone? How many more seasons are going to pass me by, without a hand to hold, without a future to plan?"

And yes, before you ask, I'm turning 30 this year, and as that hallmark birthday approaches, I'm beginning to be a little depressed. I have a wonderful life. Don't get me wrong. It's just a lonely one, sometimes.

Anyway.. Happy Birthday, Land of the FREE and Home of the BRAVE! There's certainly no better place to be all alone. :)


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